How to Be a Special Snowflake 101

What does it mean to be a special snowflake? Oh, it’s simple. It means to be a unique and highly competent individual, who is different both in spirit and actions. One whose mind operates to push the limits of humanity and explore the collective unconscious…

Statistics claim that 80% of the population believe they meet the aforementioned criteria. Weird, one would think that only 1-2% should… *cough* Dunning-Kruger effect *cough*. WHO SAID THAT?

Ok, let’s be real. I know you feel like a special snowflake, but it’s not fun if you can’t show it. Here are some steps you can start implementing today, so everyone can know what a sophisticated and alluring creature you are.

Step 1

If you truly want to become a special snowflake, rationalize everything.

  • Did someone reject you? He/she can’t see how beautiful and unique you are. It’s not that you were drunk and almost threw their drink.
  • Did you fail a class? Your answers must have been too complicated for them. It’s not that you studied 30 minutes the night before.
  • Didn’t you get the job? The interviewer must have been intimidated by your intelligence. It’s not that you have a liberal arts degree and they’re looking for a software engineer.

Step 2

Always assume the position of the victim. Special snowflakes love that. I mean how can such a sensitive individual be responsible for anything (bad) that happens?

  • Are you late for a meeting? Hey, it’s not that you woke up 10 minutes ago, it’s the bus that didn’t wait for you!
  • Oh, you forgot to pay the rent? I am sure it was the landlord’s fault for not reminding you for the 4th time in one week.
  • What? The new iPhone is too expensive for you? Complain online about capitalism from your old iPhone.

Step 3

Special snowflakes get easily offended and so should you. Words can hurt, but you are the master of outrage. People, language, sounds, colors etc… everything rubs you off negatively. This world is too cruel for an old and wise soul like yours.

Assume that your feelings are the most important thing. Dictate what everyone can or can’t say and demand only certain topics for discussion.

Hey look, there’s a person eating a burrito at Taco Bell. Go ahead and start a 1-hour lecture about cultural appropriation and how you are deeply offended by his/her actions.

Step 4

Rarely have a discussion where you are not the sole speaker. If someone tries to contribute, simply say “You don’t understand”.

Don’t try to explain what it is that you think. Have a “know-it-all”, uptight expression on your face and disregard his opinion like it’s stupid and not worthy of your attention. You can move your hands like you are shooing him down.

Step 5

Special snowflakes like you pretend to like pretentious things. Either music, painting, fashion, food etc… make sure everyone knows you like it and if they don’t, they are simply uncultured.

Of course you will later go home and eat a bag of chips while listening to the latest pop song, but they don’t have to know that.

Step 6

Pretend to have quirks and idiosyncrasies that you don’t really have. Like wearing glasses although you don’t need them. Or saying that you need special treatment in order to function. I bet the corner office would make you work a lot harder, right?

Or create fake personality traits to express how multi-dimensional you are. Play “Candy Crush” and say “I am such a nerd/gamer” or watch videos on youtube and say “I study philosophy. I am deep”.

You Are a Special Snowflake Now!

Isn’t it beautiful to be one of a kind? To be a very special snowflake? Walking this earth alone, with people liking your motivational quotes on facebook. Trapped in deep thought about the world, while browsing through Netflix.

We are the 80% of the world. We are different than everyone else. We feel special, we are special and we seek comfort in this.

“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”

– Chuck Palahniuk

About Giwrgos Kourakos

Giwrgos is currently a student at the University of Patras in Greece, majoring in mathematics. He has a degree in musical theory and about to take his degree in classical guitar. Giwrgos is also a journalist who writes news articles about current affairs, events and parties around the country. He loves to read books and hopes to write one some day. As a proud Greek, he also loves debates, conversations about politics, religion and so much more!

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