Human Rights, Life, World

Gender Studies: The Recipe for Masculinity

Do you know, you are one of the reasons behind the violence occurring in your city? You, me, we all are the reasons behind the violent attitude of men. Wanna know how? Let’s think about the recipe for masculinity…

Masculinity and Aggression

Men commit most of the violent acts. Not only against women, but also against men. They are aggressive, cruel, careless. But who are they? Where are they from? Aren’t they one of us? Aren’t they our family, friends, relatives? How are they becoming so pathetic? Maybe our whole society is responsible for creating these creatures.

From our very childhood, we put it in boys’ mind that it’s a shame to be like girls, to talk like girls, to walk like girls. They have no option of being like girls. They are often not allowed to play “girlish games”. Additionally, they have to be strong, they have to be responsible and, in turn, they will dominate others. They are superior creatures, and others are inferior. This creates a barrier between boys and girls. They become two different groups. This obviously will affect their future.

If we talk about sexuality, men’s sexual organ is considered a weapon! Seriously! It’s even seen as a different personality by many! It is called by different names in many places. This gives men a superior feeling in their mind that they have something. They have something powerful. and feel like they have control over others. They have the right to have sex with whoever and whenever they want. Man can even force anyone to have sex. On the other hand, incapability of doing this is a shame. Men become very worried about finding any problems with their sexuality. If someone is impotent, it can be a lifetime trauma for him.

Masculinity: The Pressure of Being a Man

Men and women both are pressurized by society to be “men” and “women”. Particularly, to be a “man”, boys have to learn to be tough. We kill the emotions from boys. Every second, we teach them to be hard… and hard… and harder! That is how a “man” should be. Men are the earners. So, they have to take the responsibility of the family. It creates serious pressure on them. They also know that they have to earn a good amount of money, have to do something for livelihood.

It creates another difference. For example, a man may earn X dollars. It’s a good amount for himself. But when he has to run a family with this money, he or his family becomes poor. But if his wife also earns X dollars, their family income becomes 2X, which can be enough for them. Earning this amount alone though is extra pressure. Not only about money, taking the responsibilities of a family alone can be a burden.

All the circumstances around men make them harsh. They learn to be rough and tough by themselves. Society keeps them away from household works, from care works. Usually, men don’t go to the kitchen, or clean the house, or change a baby’s diaper, wash the dishes, sew clothes etc, which are known as a girls’ duty. They usually don’t do caregiving works too. Men have little connection with indoors.

How we Define Masculinity

So, what is the result? What are we actually doing? These men may become aggressive in the future or become violent. Who knows? A person, who has lost the softness, kindness, innocence, and love in them, what have they left? They can do anything and we all are responsible for that. These virtues are a must for a complete human being. But, unfortunately, these are intentionally kept out of men by society. Until we let all the children grow up as just “humans”, we can not expect a stable society.

So…

Let men cry when sad or when they get hurt. Make them comfortable with tears. Make them understand that it is okay to be sad or to cry if they feel like that. Just let them express their emotions. It is no shame to express what they feel. It’s no shame to be soft, gentle, kind, innocent, sensitive, emotional. Let them share their life and responsibilities with their counterparts.

As we cherish the role of our mother, wife, sister, girlfriend, let’s start to appreciate men for being a good father, husband, brother or boyfriend. It’s high time!

About Joyantee Raina

Joyantee Raina is a Bangladeshi girl, currently doing undergrad in "Women & Gender Studies". Moral principles are important to her. She loves to travel, as well as photography, film, martial arts & cycling. She believes that the collective effort of all can change the world.

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