Opinion, Politics, World

Who Needs Democracy? Autocracy is the New Black!

Ruling a country means going with time and going with time means to have some cool retroactive nostalgia going on. What better times to sway your voters with a reminder of the romantic past when women were still women and men were important. Welcome to the authoritarian world of Autocracy.

If the fashion industry proved us anything, then it’s the fact that the horrendous accidents of our past are never too horrendous to not resurface and ensnare us. Most of the world is living in a democracy and, well, I don’t have to point out to you how incredibly boring and dry those democracies have become. There’s barely anything interesting happening anymore. No one’s been building any walls or pursuing minorities in our western democracies for ages. Luckily there have been some break out attempts recently to set a new trend for governing in 2018: Autocracy.

Enter the Exciting World of Autocracy

You are not sure what Autocracy means? Well someone didn’t read the guidebook then it. It’s a cool trend that incorporates fun governing concepts such as dictatorships and monarchies, and we all know how loved the British Royal Family is. Well, they aren’t really autocrats, but still, they’re adorable so that counts.

It means that the head of the nation can pretty much do as he likes without any limitations either by law or popular vote. What a refreshingly unrestrictive concept, isn’t it, this Autocracy? It’s also a real tongue roller as well, try saying it 13 times really fast.


It’s so much fun in fact, that we are seemingly getting more aspiring autocrats than democratic leaders in this day and age. Putin’s been a busy bee, and Erdogan hasn’t been idle either. The latter one even achieved it by popular vote, censorship, and oppression. The Trio Infernal of popular politics and Autocracy. It’s been so popular that President Donald Trump must’ve looked at North Korea and thought “Well, isn’t that something? I’d like to shoot people crossing my borders as well! Let’s build a lead wall!”.

Labor Camps Put the Fun in Autocracy

It must be really frustrating to be held back by actual rules and laws and not to be able to just do everything one pleases. The people would benefit as well. It is a known fact how well-regarded Kim Jong-un is among his people, while those same people don’t like the US at all. Coincidence? I mean they have Human Rights in the US, that would defeat the purpose of a cozy labor camp. The majority of North Korea wouldn’t be able to function properly if it wasn’t for the safe comfort of a labor camp to stretch the muscles a bit here and there. Works wonders in cutting down elderly care costs as well.

Donald Trump himself said, in what may be the first real quote of this article:

“But you know the saddest thing, because I’m the President of the United States I am not supposed to be involved with the Justice Department,” and “I am not supposed to be involved with the FBI. I’m not supposed to be doing the kinds of things that I would love to be doing. And I’m very frustrated by it.” 

Donald Trump the Autocrat

We all know how hard it is, to be unable to imprison or execute people we don’t like on the notion that we are a depraved lunatic, so why wouldn’t we make at least one person happy? Let’s make Donald Trump happy and go back to Autocracy. The talent is already there, we just need to ignore a few laws and Human Rights to get there. Oh, and build labor camps! This wall doesn’t build itself you know.

It would also be a great change of scenery. Every city in the country would have a Trump tower. An incredibly golden hotel run by the immigrants that didn’t receive fatal gunshot wounds upon entry. Additionally, we’d have a holiday celebrating the hanging of Crooked Hillary and Sloppy Steve and every newspaper would hail our Extreme Leader Donald Trump.

It would be a much simpler world for a much simpler mind.

About Andreas Salmen

Born and raised in Germany, learned a job in IT and Business and ultimately decided that this wasn't exactly where my life was going to end. Left everything behind to become a writing backpacker instead. The world's crumbling away anyway so why not write about it and get a few good Instagram pics on the way, am I right?

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